Putting My Broken Pieces Back Togethar

They say love happens when you least expect it…. I had recently gotten out of a HORRIBLE relationship (to say the least) and the last thing on my mind was getting into a new one. At the time I was also in the midst of dealing with my sickness and spending the majority of my time in my bed, on the couch or dr visits.

I was scrolling through Facebook one day (I did not have much else to keep me occupied) and came across a profile I haven’t really seen before but I guess recently became active again. There were pictures of Belize (somewhere I’ve really wanted to go for a long time) so I started to ask questions about it. We were soon to realize that we actually had mutual friends and met at a party years ago when I was more lively and passing around Jell-O shots… I’ll be honest that night was a little blurry so I don’t recall meeting other people.

He asked me to come for a simple ride in his lifted truck (country boy) to grab some cat food from the store and just to chat. There is something nice about simplicity and deep conversations. Even after one night of hanging out something felt reassuring and comfortable right away… I’ve never felt that before. I kind of had to shake it off knowing how frustrating it was to have a relationship while I was sick….. The former one made me feel like a horrible person for being sick and put me through a year and a half of complete hell. I was completely open with this new guy about all of the complications happening with my health at the moment and how I basically have to sleep all day, I can only eat certain foods, can’t stay up past ten and was basically the least exciting person. I probably fed him every single piece of ammunition to not want to hang out with me ever again…..

Well he proved me wrong and was my only visitor that seemed to enjoy spending time with this sick girl….. Instead of heading out on the weekends or partying he would drive over, watch a movie with me, play with my hair until I fell asleep, then leave at 10:00 pm so that I would get my much needed restful sleep. I honestly thought he would get sick of it pretty quick. Who at our age and this generation would want to spend every weekend at my parents house doing not much other than watching movies (that I usually fell asleep beside him within the first hour). There was one day that we were going to attempt to go for dinner 5 minutes away from my house. My hopes were high that we would have some “normalcy” and essentially a date night out. Well extreme nausea and fatigue came over my body and I literally couldn’t move. Instead of getting frustrated he just laid down beside me and said it’s okay.

I’ve always been a person in a relationship to keep my independence…. I would be so quick to hold the door for them or pick up the tab or do the driving, whatever it took to be so called “perfect” within a relationship. I always made sure I was dressed to the nines or that my hair and makeup was always done (yes I will embarrassingly admit to even sleeping with makeup on so that they wouldn’t see me as a mess in the morning. Little did I know that if someone can’t love you at your worst they don’t really deserve you at your best. Even though I did all of those so called “perfect” things I was taken advantage of and my relationships just never felt like the real thing.

When your super sick the last thing you can worry about is your appearance. I was 15 pounds under weight (couldn’t gain any weight for the life of me), cheeks sunken in, pale, dark circles under my eyes and just felt weak.. not only physically but emotionally. For how broken I was and I felt, he always had something to say that built me up and grew my self confidence. He made me believe that I was beautiful in my worst possible circumstances and made sure to remind me of it every single day. I’ll admit the more we hung out the more scared I was that he would become sick of laying beside me and missing out on life. I always reminded him that if it became too much and too hard to deal with that I wouldn’t be mad if he had to call it quits. He would usually respond with something along the lines of “but you are my life and I can’t see me having one without you”.

Three months after hanging out (around my birthday) he started to question me about where I wanted this to go. I obviously wanted to become “official” but I never wanted to put my burdens of my medical issues on him and I didn’t want to end up in another toxic relationship that would hinder my possible recovery. He wouldn’t have it any other way and assured me that he would be by my side through what I didn’t know would be the scariest year of my life…..

People probably thought of me as his invisible girlfriend. He had to attend a lot of his friends parties or get togethers on his own because I was too sick…. There was even a point where I hadn’t been to his house in over 3 months because of the shape that I was in…. This was a guy with a brand new house that he had built and he couldn’t spend time with me in because of my health problems at age 28. He always made my days easier by lifting my spirits. Whether it was him making me laugh at dr visits because he was playing with every tool and utensil that he could get his hands on before the dr came in. And I mean every tool including the one used in gynaecological exams. 🤦‍♀️ When we were going crazy being trapped in my room for months he would do something to get a laugh out of me, including grabbing some kind of clothing item of mine and giving me a fashion show.

Over the last 3 years, through the hardest and scariest years of my life we became best friends and I am truly proud to call him my boyfriend. I have never had so much trust in a relationship as I have with him. When every one else disappeared in the ever revolving door he stayed….. not out of pitty but because he wanted to. He’s helped me grow in so many aspects of my life. I’ve learnt how to legitimately love someone, that being perfectly imperfect is a good thing, I’ve found the good in simplicity and that relationships can withstand even the worst tornadoes that we call life’s obstacles.

Thank you for holding my hand when I was scared, for making me breakfast when I couldn’t and still cant get out of bed. Thank you for all of the laughs when I’m sad and for the hugs that are always there to celebrate overcoming an obstacle or just because. Thank you for always reminding me that I’m beautiful with or without make up on and making me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. Thank you for putting up with my loudness, craziness and obnoxiousness (I seriously don’t know how you do it sometimes). Thank you for cleaning up after my clumsiness and listening to all of my creative ideas and helping me turn them into a reality. Thank you for being my motivation, support and lots of times my guidance counsellor. You’ve always taken the time to listen to every word that I’ve had to say and never complained about it. Most importantly thank you for staying when you had every reason to leave.

I’m not one to be really mushy but I do feel that these things need to be acknowledged. I also wanted to share this to show girls that there are guys out there that will stick with you through the hard times and not just create them. I am so old school when it comes to relationships and truly believe that the grass is green where you water it. So many give up on a relationship because they either feel that it’s getting boring or they think that there is something better out there. If you spent as much time helping your relationship grow, creating things together, helping each other out in this crazy thing that we call life, you won’t have time to become bored with one another or to look elsewhere. On the other hand if you are in a toxic relationship and they make you question your self worth get out and get out now!!!!!!! Good things can come into your life as soon as you get rid of the garbage. Know your worth and stick to it. Fairy tales do exist in all shapes and forms and mine came to me in the middle of my own storm.

Lee, thank you for taking all of my broken pieces and putting them back togethar again.

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